Tuesday, July 14, 2009


I've been on a roll posting and I didn't want to let another day go by.

I was just reading Lisa's blog, catching up. I had meetings today and yesterday after work, so not so much time. I rode my bike to work yesterday but got up too late today. I made up for it by riding my bike to the meeting. If I don't get in bed soon, I'm going to have a repeat of this morning.

Lisa is right about everyone struggling. I am doing well this week but to think I got over 200, then I got down to 175 without much effort (I was doing study abroad - different lifestyle, it just sort of happened. I helped it along. I think I have an old post about it - about my control issues and having someone standing around telling me to eat was just what I needed to not eat) and I gained it all back the next semester because of depression related over-eating. I looked so good. The night I got back my boyfriend (now husband) said I looked like a movie star. I still think about that. I know he loves me no matter what and how I am now (and I'm a lot smaller than him) but I know he really liked me thinner, too.

I got off topic. Basically it makes me sick how since I was 8 I've been trying to lose weight and in the time in between then and now, I have let myself gain tons. Not losing weight is bad enough - did I really have to gain it?!?!

Anyway, I'm hopeful this time. I think the blogging (my own and others I read) is helping and I hope it makes a real difference.

I do still think though that if I am successful and lose all the weight, that I will lose the solidarity that bonds heavy women together. I'll be a defector or a traitor.


Chavonne said...

This was a great entry. I actually read this a while ago, but took some time to reflect before responding.

It's so great that you're having a great week! Keep up the great work.

My husband loves all my rolls and wobbly bits, but I know he'd love it I were smaller (though he doesn't dare say it!). He asked a few days ago if it's okay that he says I look better than I did before. It's tricky for him, I'm sure. I'm smaller than my husband, too, so it's also hard to talk about how unhealthy I am without worrying if I'm offending him.

I think there is a real bond between big ladies. I don't think you'll be a defector, but an inspiration. We'll all be celebrating your victory!

Lisa said...

The lose to gain it back thing is the story of my life. If I do lose the weight, I will be HAPPY to be a fat traitor! LOL You can do it this time. the key for BOTH of us is to learn how to keep it off. That is the struggle. That is the ultimate lesson.

Amy said...

I'm with Lisa! I wouldn't mind being a fat traitor in the least! I think the solidarity will always be there no matter what just be cause we have all been there, even when we are able to "leave it all behind" it will still always be a part of us. Hmm, that sounds depressing, which I totally didn't mean for it too. But you know what I mean right?

Fat Girl said...

Thanks for all the support.

I know what you mean, Amy. Even after we've lost the weight, it's who we are and it bonds us together.