Friday, April 29, 2011

Life Interrupted

So, my little sister moved in a couple months ago. Now her "friend" is going to be living with us for at least a month.

My little sister is thin and adorable and I'm kind of embarrassed for her to know I'm trying to lose weight. She knows I go to the gym but dieting is embarrassing.

Part of me feels like I just can't do it with her around and so I shouldn't even try until she leaves, which may be months from now. I can't waste all that time, though. I need to just start and stop looking for excuses.

Most times when I decide to start up again, I get psyched and I think, "This is it!" This time I just feel like it's hopeless. I thought reading goal stories on 3FC would inspire me. It did, but it only lasted about 30 seconds.

When I don't have control over other things in my life, it makes me feel like I can't control this, either.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Joined a Gym!

I always thought I would never join a gym...or at least not for awhile. I would feel like a jerk after having free access to a gym for years at school and then paying for one as soon as a I got out.

Well, I joined. It was January and there was a special...$20/mo if you paid for the whole year. It's two blocks from work so I did it; I joined.

I went every day for 6 weeks. I felt great and I thought about coming on here and blogging and I thought I would feel too guilty about how easy it was going to be for me to lose all that weight. I lost 5 or 7 lbs right off the bat; I can't remember.

I didn't keep losing weight because I didn't change my eating habits...I thought working out for an hour a day was enough. It wasn't. I was also doing only cardio and when I decided to add weight training; I lost some of my enthusiasm. Then my schedule changed and it all started to fall apart.

I knew that once I started, I couldn't skip a day just because I felt like it because that would be the end. It was the end.

I go about twice a week still, but I feel like a total failure.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


I just realized I started this blog in 2008...exactly three years ago this coming Saturday. I should have been thin by now.

This is such a ride awakening. I know I've been trying to lose weight for 20 years, but I really thought this blog was a missing piece of the puzzle. I guess it's kind of like how I thought joining the gym a couple weeks ago would be the missing piece. Or how over the weekend I thought joining WW online was what I needed to make me commit...

I feel stupid for judging all the people who try every fad diet or 1-800 weight loss scheme on the market. I'm not different; I'm just stingier.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Weight Watchers

I keep thinking that I will get back to keeping track of "points" at some point but I can't get excited about it. I am also a very private person and have a family member staying with me the next few months. I don't want her knowing I'm trying to accomplish anything. I can't wait until I can have my home to myself (and hubs) again.

A friend just signed up for WW on-line and I thought I would, too. I looked into it and I wanted to know all about this "Points Plus" business. It seems like it's just a different way to calculate points. The old way worked, so what is the deal? Is it just an attempt to make more money? Had too many people learned the system and were doing it on their own instead of by giving money to the company every month?

I think so and it almost worked on me. Forget it. I will use old points and the old system and just do this myself. If it doesn't work, then I will try something else. I think it will work; it has worked for me in the past.

I found a website that will calculate how many points I can eat It doesn't just give you the number now but you say how much you want to lose and it will give you an entire breakdown, assuming you lose 2 lbs a week, of what you will weigh and what your points will be. When it was only 40 weeks, I actually felt myself feeling encouraged. I could lose 85 lbs in less than a year. What I am waiting for?

Well, for one, I am sitting here by myself with a sheet pizza next to me...(left over from an event) so if I had to guess, I'll be waiting until tomorrow....

I'm the worst!!

So it's been forever; I'm not proud of myself for being like so many other people who forget about their blogs.

My hurdles are 1) having a secret identity...I don't want hubs to read the blog or anyone I know
2)Limited computer access...I would never do this at work and hubs needs our main computer for school work...he's on it every waking hour. That leaves me with old rusty...a laptop so slow and so loud, it's usually not worth using
3) laziness, denial and a whole bunch of other things which I can just sum up as my own shortcomings

Anyway, I'm going to give this another go. I need the support. I'm no where. I'm feeling lower than I have in awhile with regard to my weight. This is something I should have control over and I hate myself for not being in control of it.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Skinny Bread

I just took a regular loaf of bread (a bakery style loaf) and sliced the bread super thing. The sandwich was a million times better than with those expensive lite or lo-carb breads. Loved it!

Those breads are so expensive and since I have 29pts a day, I was using regular 100% whole wheat bread. Two sandwiches = 6pts just for bread! This was only 3 pts for delicious white bread.

Just wanted to share.

Also on the sandwich is Quorn roast (so delicious, you'd never know it was vegetarian and its 1pt for 90grams!), low fat American Cheese, yellow mustard and tomato. Yum.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

More weight lost

Two weeks ago it was .7lbs, which had me kind of bummed. Hubs tried to cheer me up; a loss is a loss.

This past weekend I couldn't wait until Sunday so I weighed first that Saturday morning and it was a flat 0!

Well, that'll teach me to be impatient. I weighed again Sunday ant it was 2.2! I think that puts me around 13lbs down.

My inlaws said I look thinner and while hubs and I were snuggling on the couch, he said I felt different.

As for me - I'm not thin my any stretch of the imagination and really I didn't know how fat I looked until I saw a video clip from my graduation. So really, I am back to what I thought I was all the long...

I am feeling good though, like this could be it, this could be THE time I actually carry it through to the end and lost real weight. If I bust out of the 220's, it will be phenomenal - like no woman's land - at least not for the past 4 years.