Monday, May 12, 2008

Bottomless Pit

I've recently started paying attention to when I am full. It happens way sooner than I would expect. It's really amazing how little food it takes to make me full. Why have I been eating so much?

Being hungry is an incredible thing. I know I've gone months and months before without ever feeling hungry. How terrible is that?

I gained 65 lbs in five years. I weigh about ten less than I did at my peak (a couple months ago.) I haven't been trying to do anything - I am just paying more attention to what I eat and when I am full but I'm not denying myself anything or starving. I've also started walking. It's so invigorating!

Even though weight loss is always on my mind, I try to entice myself to exercise for other reasons: like longer, look younger, be active longer, increase bone density, boost immune system... I am terrified of aging. I don't want to look old or feel old - like my body is aging and can't accomplish things.

I am also afraid of wasting my youth being fat and missing out the time in my life when I have the most potential to be beautiful. If I lose weight when I'm older, it won't be the same as if I had been young and thin.

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