Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Big O

I've never told anyone this. My partner knows because I never fake it. I've never had an orgasm.

I enjoy sex, I really do. I like it and I want it. It feels good but I haven't had an orgasm. They always say that if you have to ask, you haven't had one.

I think it's all in my head. I think orgasms are 90% mental - at least for women. I have several theories for why and I think they all interact.

1) Religious upbringing. I always thought as long as I didn't come, it wouldn't be a sin.
2) Trust. I think it would feel really vulnerable and while I trust my husband completely...well, maybe I don't. There is something holding me back and I don't know if it's because he thinks this is my problem to solve or if it has to do with things outside out sex life.
3) Weight. I think I'm subconsciously, and sometimes consciously, unconvinced that I'm attractive and I can't feel completely relaxed.

Every time I see a television show where the topic comes up, I feel better, like I'm not so alone. Other women are in the same boat - many many woman. Anyone out there?

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