Weight Worries

I have always been worried about my weight. However, when there is someone else in the equation, you start to worry about their health.

I wonder if overweight people often end up together. My husband and I were both this way before we met. Well, looking back, I wasn't as bad as I am now. He fluctuates a lot, but it can be hard to tell when I'm around him all the time - even where there's a 50lb difference. I don't really realize it until I look into photos.

Anyway, I'm worried about him. He's really unhealthy. I'm scared that he's going to die before he's 50. He might get diabetes. He never goes to doctors, so who knows how serious this is. I am scared, though. I'm really really scared.

I wish I could be a good influence on him but instead he ends up being a bad influence on me. He won't go for walks. I end up using food as a sign of affection - I get him treats to show him I love him. I'm just like my mother in that regard - though she never hesitated to tell me how fat and unattractive I was. The treats she got weren't usually for me.

Long time, no blog

I can't believe this is my first post of the new year. Oh well, it isn't as if I have any followers.

I found out that this has already been done. Some fat woman from Australia or something like this did do a blog about being fat and losing weight and became really famous. Somehow I had missed that in all my quests for blogs about fat girls.

I guess the difference is that her blog was about dieting, not about being fat.

Also, I did gain weight over the holidays, but I am still 20 lbs below where I was a year ago. I've gained back about 7lbs, but I am determined to lose it. Even typing that felt like a lie. I'm not that determined, but I do want it.

Holiday Cliche

It's the holidays and I risk jeopardizing everything that I came so easily to me.

I am so angry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got in a fight with my husband. He can be such a jerk!

I can spend hours on something and it means nothing to him. He throws it in the garbage. I do things for him and I have to solicit a thank you. He won't get a job but he insists on wasting money, like throwing away food I just cooked for him. I would have eaten it if he didn't want. So much food went into that meal and he just threw it away. It makes me want to cry. He knew how much it would upset me, too.

I don't know why he does this. He's been really bad lately. He used to be so nice.

Old Ways

I feel my self slipping into old ways. I'm back around my partner in crime and even though he is actually staying on top of things, I am not. I kind of am. I haven't been really keeping track of what I eat though. I do really well when I keep track using the Weight Watchers points system. I see results. It's the only time I've seen results while at home and living my regular life. I need to get it together or I'm going to gain back those 20lbs. I had already forgotten it was 20 and had been thinking of it as ten. Maybe I'll be re-energized knowing I've made more progress than I've realized. I better way myself and make sure it's not just 10 now.

Control Issues

It should be noted that what I believe to be one of the factors in losing weight while I was abroad is my control issues. In addition to all the exercise and healthy food, I had someone who was always telling me to eat. I can't handle that. I don't want someone telling me what to do. The more I was told to eat, the less I would eat. Much to my surprise, I was still full. I ate the tiniest amounts of food and they filled me up. It was a really good lesson in how much I really need to eat.

I overeat and I know it. Try it sometime. Just pay really close attention to whether or not you're hungry anymore. You'll amaze yourself at how little food it can take.

Anyway, I'm going to try to lose another 20 lbs. Then 20 more after that, and if I lose another 20, I'll weigh what I weighed freshman year of high school. I thought I was fat then. I did weight a lot more than most of my friends. I still do.

20 lbs.

I lost 20 lbs sometimes in the last few months. I'm not exactly sure how - I wasn't doing any crazy dieting. I did try to be a little more aware of what I ate and I probably ate better because I was away from my partner - who has terrible eating habits. So now I'm 20lbs lighter than I was at my heaviest but I still weigh almost 50 lbs more than I did five years ago. However, five years ago was my all time low - I was living in another country, walking a million miles a day, and eating a lot less.