Life Interrupted

So, my little sister moved in a couple months ago. Now her "friend" is going to be living with us for at least a month.

My little sister is thin and adorable and I'm kind of embarrassed for her to know I'm trying to lose weight. She knows I go to the gym but dieting is embarrassing.

Part of me feels like I just can't do it with her around and so I shouldn't even try until she leaves, which may be months from now. I can't waste all that time, though. I need to just start and stop looking for excuses.

Most times when I decide to start up again, I get psyched and I think, "This is it!" This time I just feel like it's hopeless. I thought reading goal stories on 3FC would inspire me. It did, but it only lasted about 30 seconds.

When I don't have control over other things in my life, it makes me feel like I can't control this, either.

Joined a Gym!

I always thought I would never join a gym...or at least not for awhile. I would feel like a jerk after having free access to a gym for years at school and then paying for one as soon as a I got out.

Well, I joined. It was January and there was a special...$20/mo if you paid for the whole year. It's two blocks from work so I did it; I joined.

I went every day for 6 weeks. I felt great and I thought about coming on here and blogging and I thought I would feel too guilty about how easy it was going to be for me to lose all that weight. I lost 5 or 7 lbs right off the bat; I can't remember.

I didn't keep losing weight because I didn't change my eating habits...I thought working out for an hour a day was enough. It wasn't. I was also doing only cardio and when I decided to add weight training; I lost some of my enthusiasm. Then my schedule changed and it all started to fall apart.

I knew that once I started, I couldn't skip a day just because I felt like it because that would be the end. It was the end.

I go about twice a week still, but I feel like a total failure.

Anniversary...

I just realized I started this blog in 2008...exactly three years ago this coming Saturday. I should have been thin by now.

This is such a ride awakening. I know I've been trying to lose weight for 20 years, but I really thought this blog was a missing piece of the puzzle. I guess it's kind of like how I thought joining the gym a couple weeks ago would be the missing piece. Or how over the weekend I thought joining WW online was what I needed to make me commit...

I feel stupid for judging all the people who try every fad diet or 1-800 weight loss scheme on the market. I'm not different; I'm just stingier.

Weight Watchers

I keep thinking that I will get back to keeping track of "points" at some point but I can't get excited about it. I am also a very private person and have a family member staying with me the next few months. I don't want her knowing I'm trying to accomplish anything. I can't wait until I can have my home to myself (and hubs) again.

A friend just signed up for WW on-line and I thought I would, too. I looked into it and I wanted to know all about this "Points Plus" business. It seems like it's just a different way to calculate points. The old way worked, so what is the deal? Is it just an attempt to make more money? Had too many people learned the system and were doing it on their own instead of by giving money to the company every month?

I think so and it almost worked on me. Forget it. I will use old points and the old system and just do this myself. If it doesn't work, then I will try something else. I think it will work; it has worked for me in the past.

I found a website that will calculate how many points I can eat It doesn't just give you the number now but you say how much you want to lose and it will give you an entire breakdown, assuming you lose 2 lbs a week, of what you will weigh and what your points will be. When it was only 40 weeks, I actually felt myself feeling encouraged. I could lose 85 lbs in less than a year. What I am waiting for?

Well, for one, I am sitting here by myself with a sheet pizza next to me...(left over from an event) so if I had to guess, I'll be waiting until tomorrow....

I'm the worst!!

So it's been forever; I'm not proud of myself for being like so many other people who forget about their blogs.

My hurdles are 1) having a secret identity...I don't want hubs to read the blog or anyone I know
2)Limited computer access...I would never do this at work and hubs needs our main computer for school work...he's on it every waking hour. That leaves me with old rusty...a laptop so slow and so loud, it's usually not worth using
3) laziness, denial and a whole bunch of other things which I can just sum up as my own shortcomings

Anyway, I'm going to give this another go. I need the support. I'm no where. I'm feeling lower than I have in awhile with regard to my weight. This is something I should have control over and I hate myself for not being in control of it.

Skinny Bread

I just took a regular loaf of bread (a bakery style loaf) and sliced the bread super thing. The sandwich was a million times better than with those expensive lite or lo-carb breads. Loved it!

Those breads are so expensive and since I have 29pts a day, I was using regular 100% whole wheat bread. Two sandwiches = 6pts just for bread! This was only 3 pts for delicious white bread.

Just wanted to share.

Also on the sandwich is Quorn roast (so delicious, you'd never know it was vegetarian and its 1pt for 90grams!), low fat American Cheese, yellow mustard and tomato. Yum.

More weight lost

Two weeks ago it was .7lbs, which had me kind of bummed. Hubs tried to cheer me up; a loss is a loss.

This past weekend I couldn't wait until Sunday so I weighed first that Saturday morning and it was a flat 0!

Well, that'll teach me to be impatient. I weighed again Sunday ant it was 2.2! I think that puts me around 13lbs down.

My inlaws said I look thinner and while hubs and I were snuggling on the couch, he said I felt different.

As for me - I'm not thin my any stretch of the imagination and really I didn't know how fat I looked until I saw a video clip from my graduation. So really, I am back to what I thought I was all the long...

I am feeling good though, like this could be it, this could be THE time I actually carry it through to the end and lost real weight. If I bust out of the 220's, it will be phenomenal - like no woman's land - at least not for the past 4 years.

Gym Nudity

So I have been going to gym for a few weeks and I am amazed by how casual some people can be about nudity. I know it's a locker room but my modesty (embarrassment) does not check itself at the door. I also don't understand how people can eschew the private shower stalls in favor of the group shower!

I am not grossed out; I'm impressed. I wish I could just walk around naked and not care. I wish I was that comfortable. Maybe it comes with age (the over 50 crowd seem totally ok with it) or something.

I've worked up to taking off my t-shirt and standing there in sports bra and shorts while getting my shower stuff together. Everything else is series of acrobatics involving holding my towel and undressing/dressing. Skirts are eat to get into ;)

Pretty Face

I know fat girls love hearing they have a pretty face.


But, it's different when it's you yourself saying it. I was just looking in the mirror and although I didn't have my glasses on (and maybe because I didn't have my glasses on - both because of the glasses themselves and also less imperfections show up) I looked at my face and thought, "I look pretty pretty today." It was a good feeling. I think I can see that I've lost weight in my face. Could that be after not even 10lbs?


In other good news, Angie from Angie All The Way sent me an e-mail and I feel so special.

Weigh In Week Two

So I am counting this past week as week two of consecutive consistent commitment.

I lost less than 2lbs. I was pretty bummed, because that it was I would hope for with diet alone, but I am working out for an hour a day burning 650 calories and not eating more food to make up for them. I am eating the WW pts allowed for a sedentary women my size. Maybe I should eat more of my points? My SIL said her group, people said they did better when they ate all their points and their flex points. I sometimes come in 2 or 3 points under - all last week I did.

Anyway, 1.8lbs was sad but my husband was very encouraging. He was proud of the loss. I guess it is exciting to only be 10 lbs away from beating my weight loss efforts in recent history. When I had my dieting kick last year, I got down to 221. Here's to blasting through that.

I think the lowest I ever weighed in in the 1.5 years I have had my Wii Fit is 219.

Here's to record breaking!

Working out

I have been going to the gym on campus every morning before class. I get there before 7 and do at least a full hour on the eliptical (sometimes an extra 3-10 minutes). I love it. I feel like I could keep going except that I have to shower and go to class.

For the rest of the day I feel taller, longer, leaner and more lythe. It's the best feeling.

Lucky 7

So I fell off the face of the world with final exams, graduation and now studying all summer for the biggest exam of them all. I also fell off the weight loss wagon, but I am back.

I lost 7.7 lbs last week. I go to the gym every day before my review course I am taking and I've been eating healthy (using WW points as my guide but not joining the program).

I am so excited and proud. This puts me at 231 and change.

Streak

I have lost 4.5 lbs. I did Wii every day for 3 weeks, 255 calories a day. Then it dropped off a little. Then I got strep throat and it dropped off more. I am trying to work my way back into it but it's also a crazy busy time for me school-wise, so we will see what happens. I kept waiting until way too late and I was staying up past midnight just to get my 255 in.

I should keep it up, it helps reduce stress and boost my immune system. I'll start again tomorrow...ok, maybe I'll do a couple minutes tonight.

Fruit

I always thought of myself as a pear but I saw myself in the mirror the other day, from the side, and I saw an apple. That's part of what got me started this time around.

Feeling Full

If I may say, I am a master at WW. I am terrified about being hungry. I don't know why, it's irrational.

Sometimes I over plan. I eat super low point foods, but oddly I almost never eat zero point foods...not on their own anyway. I don't chow down on carrot sticks but I'll put lettuce on sandwich or salsa on a burrito.

Anyway...today I overplanned. It's 9pm and I am completely stuffed. However, I've only 18 of my 30 points. What do I do know?

I think I might have some bread and butter later...if I can stop feeling so full.

Tiny Tummy and Seven Days Strong!

So it only took 2 or 3 days for my stomach to shrink...in the inside. I noticed myself getting full much faster. That definitely helps with the dieting - it's harder to over eat. Overeating is still possible and then things can stretch out again, but if I stay on top of it, think of all the money I've save on bariatric surgery!

Anyway, I have done seven full days of staying on top of my points and of working out each day. I do at least 255 calories on the Wii Fit and I walk about an hour a week.

I have lost three lbs.

Babies

I think I have written about this before but I am too lazy to check.

I don't want to have a baby right now but I am pretty sure I want one eventually. I am positive I do not want to get pregnant when I am this overweight. The health risks scare me but most of all, you have an increased risk of "tearing." Plenty of skinny people tear, but I would like to get as many odds in my favor as possible.

I figure it will take me some time to get to a satisfactory weight before getting pregnant. That's fine and that's why I want to do it now. I don't want to catch baby fever and then be forced to diet and wait months or years while I get my act together. I want to have my act together so when the time comes, I won't have to wait.

I never had to think about it because I was fairly sure I wanted to be done with school first. I will be done with school in a couple months, so I will have to start thinking about what will determine when we actually go for it and decide to become parents.

Stuff Your Face!

In the days leading up to my decision to really commit this time, I was paying more attention to my behavior.

I love the feeling of my mouth being overstuffed. I love cramming as much food will fit in it...when it's certain foods - like popcorn. I love cramming it in.

Is that weird?

I just thought I would share.

P.S.

I just want to add that there was a table at school giving out free cupcakes. I took a free pen/highlighter instead and went on my way.

I NEVER walk away from free food. So, do you believe me now?

The girl who cried diet!

I don't know how many times I can say "this time I am really going to do it" before people stop believing me. I can't just pop up every two months and say "I am really going to lose 100 lbs this time!" and then fall off the Earth.

So, I wanted to be sure. After several "today is the day" or "tomorrow is the day" declarations to myself over the last month, I wanted to make sure it was real.

Last Saturday was the day. I started counting points again and I have been counting four 4 days straight. On top of that, I started working out again. I set my Wii Fit Training goal to 230 calories per day. I have done it Sat, Sun, and Mon and I fully plan on doing it tonight. I am ready to up it to 255 (it has bizarre increments based on foods. Right now I am at 3.5 pieces of wheat toast and the next level is a cup of sticky rice). 255 calorites a day = .5lbs lost per week. If I can lose 2lbs a week from diet on top of that then I can lost 10lbs per month.

For me, three days is a trend. If I can do three days, then it's starting to be something real.

I have three weddings in the family this year - one of which is tropical destination. While I want to look good, strike that, halfway decent, in a bathing suit - I also want to look good in these family photos which wil be around a long time. I cringe when I think of my dad's wedding pictures.

So here I am with the goal of losing 25lbs. I will be back to my wedding weight. I'd like to lose at least 75 (Wii says I should lose 100) but I am going to take it step by step.

Thank you so much to anyone who is still reading this!